In the midst of my grief over losing my dad, I was trying to find connection. My family is small, my mother and sister live across the country, so without dad, I felt truly empty and alone. I have three close friends in proximity to me to lean on, but two of them are married and busy with their spouses and children, and the third one was (unbeknownst  to me at the time) messing with my head – more on that later.

So in an effort to make sense of the deep loss I was feeling and my desire to not be alone, I eventually shifted my focus on to my  connection to something bigger than me.  I started to dive into quantum physics and explore energy, frequencies, and vibration. 

However, prior to this shift, I broke my ankle, resulting in three months of non weight bearing, followed by three months of physical therapy. I had to manage on my own in a two-story townhouse. Everything took four times longer to do and the loneliness got worse.

My cat started to battle health problems of his own. The accumulation of stress (especially from the last year) caught up to me. The high levels of cortisol, coupled with my age threw my hormonal balance completely out of whack. So now in addition to my mounting depression, my body was no longer familiar to me. For the first time in my life, I put on weight around my stomach that despite all of my usual efforts, refused to budge and only got worse.

Cellulite sprung up worse than ever all over my body. My hair stopped growing and I was extremely fatigued. I had two cancer scares, both with finding a lump in my breast and a cyst on my ovary. Sometimes I was exhausted to the point that I had to nap during the day, despite getting over twelve hours of sleep at night. My breasts were extremely painful for days at a time, prompting me to wear a bralette or a bra 24/7 because the slightest movement without one on was excruciating.

My periods were sporadic in terms of frequency but also in terms of flow. Sometimes I would skip it entirely or experience light spotting, and other times I would bleed for 25 – 45 days straight, and experience what I came to refer to as a monsoon. During a monsoon, I would drench thru a sanitary pad, my underwear, pajamas, towels, sheets, and mattress pad with blood. No matter what precautions I took, the monsoon persisted and found a way to seep through. Bleeding for such a long duration of time and/or so profusely, would mess with my head as well as my disposition. It became agonizing at times dealing with all of these stresses at once.

ACUPRESSURE WORKS!

Since I am not a proponent of traditional medicine and pharmaceuticals, I chickened out on having a D&C (dilation and curettage procedure) to stop the excessive bleeding, and instead I opted for acupuncture, which unfortunately initially made the bleeding worse, but it did eventually subside. I didn’t stick with acupuncture because of financial reasons, and I would go on to experience the monsoon a few more times. But fortunately, I discovered an acupressure exercise online that I was able to perform on myself which helped me:

With one hand, you press on your philtrum (the space between your nose and upper lip) and place your other hand on the top of your head and press. Hold the pressure on both points for a minute, release, wait fifteen minutes and repeat the exercise until the flow lessens. Each time the monsoon starts I implement this acupressure technique, and I am so grateful that it subsides!

NATUROPATHIC HEAVY METAL DETOX

I managed my fluctuating hormones and symptoms the best I could until I eventually found a naturopathic doctor to help me. I was optimistic that following her program would get me back on track; it was a heavy metal detox and a reset of my body on a cellular level. I committed myself to it daily for over a year, eliminating caffeine, alcohol, and sugar, eating a ton of vegetables, drinking decaffeinated herbal tea (all of my meals had to be hot). I gave myself daily coffee enemas, sat in near infrared saunas, dry brushing, took various amino acids, meditation, and all around self care. I felt like I was taking care of my body, undoing the affects of ginormous stress, the perfect companion to cleansing my spirit.

After four months of solid dedication, the results of my second hair analysis showed that overall I had improved 50%! I was operating much more in a parasympathetic response than a sympathetic (fight/freeze/flight) one that I had been most of my life, and especially in recent years. However well I was improving on the inside, I was definitely not seeing any progress on the outside, and so even though I was grateful for doing better for myself systemically, I was still frustrated with my body.

Over a year of sticking to the plan, my patience for results was wearing thin. I continued to follow my eating plan (vegetables, vegetables, vegetables!) but I also started to slip in some not so healthy snacks and desserts. I figured since I wasn’t seeing results, what difference did it make to go off the plan a bit? Answer: gaining roughly ten more pounds.

A GLIMPSE OF SOME HOPE

Disgusted by the additional weight gain, I once again cut out sugar and all processed foods and recommitted myself to the original plan. Fortunately I hadn’t steered too far away from it, so getting back on board wasn’t too difficult. And even though I was feeling a little more in control of my body, I still had a long way to go.

To this day I am still battling the effects of perimenopause, the most annoying of which for me is the stubborn weight gain and the unpredictable periods. I have recently committed myself to intermittent fasting and I started to mix in full fast days too. I took up practicing yoga again, and I take hour long walks with weights on my ankles and hands just about daily (weather and my personal energy levels permitting). At the time of this writing, we are in the midst of a global pandemic, so my usual mode of exercise (going to the gym) is on hold. I’m happy to say, the readings on the scale are FINALLY moving in the right direction! Slow and steady progress, but progress is progress and I am so grateful to see the number going down each time I weigh myself.

I plan to integrate more modes of exercise into my routine as my body and mind will allow. For me, mindset is huge in anything that I do. If I am not in the proper mindset, then no matter how much I want something, how hard I push myself to take action, I am unable to do it/sustain it if my energy and mood are off. In the past, I was so driven I forged ahead anyway despite how I was feeling in the moment, and I prided myself on doing so. These days, I honor my body and mind and I allow myself to rest instead of force myself to achieve. In other words, I flow with my energy, instead of against it.