Right after the New Year, Evil Dark called and left a message saying. “I’ve been thinking about things a lot, so it’d be nice if you’d call or text…” He is so self centered, it’s still all about him, AND he wants me to make the effort. WOW.

The level of his self-absorption and entitlement is limitless. Naturally, I ignored his message. So, a month later, he tried again. He called again and when I didn’t answer, he sent a text: 

Friendship Shmendship

He’s trying to tug at the hook he worked hard at implanting in me years ago, the fabricated belief that we are “great friends.” He did such a good job of convincing not only me but himself of this lie that he still believes it to this day. For me, the spell is broken and I see the truth – he was never my friend in the true, healthy sense, because he is incapable of being a friend to anyone. 

Saying over and over again that we were great friends was just a convincing tactic that he employed to condition me so that I would grant him lead way that I wouldn’t have otherwise granted him. It also got me to trust him because after all, he was my “friend,” so he cared about me and wouldn’t hurt me. 

He got me to betray myself. I believed the lie that he sold me and paid for it with my self worth. This is how he destroyed me while simultaneously using me for his selfish sexual desires without any regard for me.

Reaching out to me now by way of a breezy chat is just a tactic to get me to lower my defenses so that I open the line of communication with him again. And once it’s open, he can delude himself into thinking he’s a good guy and also start to wear me down so that he can slide back into my bed…

…or so he thinks.

It Was Never About Me

It’s always been about him, and THREE YEARS LATER, it still is. Yes, it’s been three years and absolutely nothing has changed.

Perhaps his options for cheating have been diminished by the pandemic. And in his arrogance, he still thinks of me as low hanging fruit, so he’s circling back. The realization that he thinks he still has me on the hook used to make me question my worthiness, now it just pisses me off. The gaul that he thinks he can still “have me,” that I’ll forgive his atrocities and allow him back in my bed, makes me see red. 

But, considering the pathology, it makes sense. It was never about me and what I want, it was and still is always been about him and what he wants. 

We tried, or rather I tried, just being “friends,” and we failed miserably because HE couldn’t stay out of my bed. So, sex is all we’ve ever had. 

He’s incapable of having a platonic relationship with me. He’s proven that over and over and over and over, spanning just shy of a decade. Now I’m supposed to think he’s reaching out with a different intent?

I’ve been through too much, learned too much, and respect myself too much to succumb to his old tricks.