2021

Here we are, nearly two years later and Evil Dark reached out to me via both Facebook Messenger and text. Naturally he has nothing more to offer than a tiny crumb, letting me know that absolutely nothing has changed. He still thinks so much of himself (and so little of me) that a casual message with a subtext of sexual innuendo is enough for me to come running.

I did not respond, so he waited a few months and he tried again. This time he used his father’s recent passing away as a bond we share to reach out to me. The irony of that is that although he did help me during that extremely difficult time when I lost my dad, he still managed to tie sex into every encounter during my period of mourning. 

When he first came over to console me four days after losing my dad, we had sex. I certainly was in no mood, but he coaxed me into it and since I hadn’t eaten, showered, and barely slept in three days, I welcomed the intimate act as a way to bring me back to the living.

Each trip to and from the airport (for my trips to Florida) was paired with sex, and even while I was in the midst of cleaning out my dad’s apartment and dealing with the overwhelm of emotions as well as the logistics, he reached out to me several times, not to check on me, but to have phone sex, which I declined but that didn’t preclude him from continuing to try.

So, the truth was, he had used my grief as yet another way to elicit sex from me. What I was going through was always secondary to what he wanted from me. This time when he reached out to me via Messenger to let me know his father had died, he once again reinforced the idea that I was in his “inner circle” by letting me know that he had only told a few people.

He has done such a good job of convincing himself we were friends, that he is still living under that delusion, which serves to fool himself (and attempt to fool me) into believing that he’s even capable of friendship, let alone that he cares about me.

ONCE A LIAR, ALWAYS A LIAR

The best liars believe their own lies, that’s what makes them so convincing. Since my eyes are open to him and to what are now obvious tactics to me, I debated whether or not to answer him. So, after taking several days to think about it, I decided to respond as I would respond to anyone, with a short condolence text reflecting my human compassion, a true reflection of who I am, it had nothing to do with him. I simply told him that I was sorry for his loss and I empathized with what he was going through.

He responded back immediately saying that he hoped we could chat sometime and he thanked me for answering – no mention of his father, how he was coping with the loss, nothing.

His response confirmed what I already knew; that he was just using his father’s death as an excuse to reestablish contact with me again. Contacting me under the guise of friendship in order to manipulate me again, as well as to open the door for future communication so that he can worm his way back into my bed.

He’s just pulling a page out of his old playbook, employing another common narcissist tactic known as “Hoovering.” Only this time, I can spot him coming a mile away.

WHAT IS HOOVERING?

Hoovering is a manipulation tactic that someone might use to pull you back into a toxic relationship. And just like a Hoover vacuum sucking up dirt, he’s trying to suck you back into his toxic world. A random text out of the blue from someone who has proven to be toxic via past actions is definitely a red flag, and a sign of hoovering. He’s testing to see if he can ride back into your good graces and eventually back into your bed. Evil Dark attempting to pull at my heartstrings by telling me about his father’s death is a prime example of hoovering.

Some other examples of hoovering are: reaching out on important dates (like your birthday), using nostalgia by referencing something you’ve shared in the past, offering either a seemingly sincere or even a half-assed apology, telling you what you want to hear, using other people to keep tabs on you, and the manipulation tactics go on and on.

Evil Dark has deployed ALL of these ploys on me. He is such a textbook greater narcissist, and now that I have educated myself on the matter, it’s so obvious to me who he is. I view him in his true form, as a pathetic excuse for a man, or rather, really, a person. In a weird way, it’s comforting to know that he is so clearly identifiable, that I was taken in by a master manipulator rather than duped by an amateur. Maybe that’s my ego talking, but in an effort to find even the smallest of silver linings, I’ll take the twisted victory.

Although I have grieved the immense pain I suffered inflicted upon me by him, I am so grateful for the knowledge and clarity I now have. My newfound wisdom has enabled me to emerge stronger, more enlightened, and clear-sighted, equipped to help myself and others to avoid this type of insidious degenerate.

And unfortunately, I’m certain he’ll try again, they always do.